I and I-dentity

Today I am thinking about the various identities I have had in my life and how dependent they have been on the various contexts within which I was living at the time. It is impossible to be the “youngest child” without a family in which to have that identity. I guess that is where I started as the “youngest child” but I did not realize that this identity was dependent on certain factors that were certainly not me but instead given by the context in which I discovered myself. First I needed parents and then my siblings in order for me to even “choose” or “accept” that identity. No one can be the youngest child in a void but must first have an entire cast of peer characters within which to take that role. That would seem to be the case with every “identity”.

No question everyone in my family was a character and each one of them helped me “discover” who I was and that without a context my own understanding of who I was would have been much more difficult. Unclear contexts might bring a foggy identity. No question that my identity as the youngest child was one that was given to me by the others in the family. I did not choose that role but it was a given and all the others in the family agreed that was my identity and I was too small to question it. A baby blank page has little defense against those who come to write on it. If someone with amnesia woke up in a hospital they might need to ask others what happened. Immediately, like it or not, they would be a “patient”. In the family they might have been the youngest child but in the hospital they would be a patient. Youngest children are often treated differently than the others and the “patient” evokes all sorts of responses from others that non patients do not receive. The point here, perhaps too close to us to be noticed, is that our own self understanding is often given to us from others and the situations in which we find ourselves. Once in the context like a blank page we let others write description of who we are and then we respond by thinking, feeling and acting accordingly. Perhaps the land of the free is not as free as we would like it. I mean if others or the context chooses your identity for you that is a little restrictive right?

The flip side of this is that although there are no choices in much of this because the context simply provides it wholesale but without the context there would be no choices to be made at all. It is only within a context that we may choose alternative identities. Those newly chosen identities might be limited only by the vision we have of our “context”. One may be born in the small town but being there at least gives them the option to stay and choose to see its beauties or to move to the big town nearby and see things that are not available in the small town.

Relativity is the arena of choices and even so some choices are still impossible. Being the youngest child- unless a younger one comes along- is something that can not be changed with free choices. That said we should be able to choose other identities and even seek them out. Although I will always be the youngest child in the family into which I was born that is no longer the identity that I choose to define me mentally or emotionally. It is like a shirt still in the closet that I do not wear very often. It is a nice shirt. After first identity came in first grade Crown Bearer for the Homecoming Queen, and later things like good student, football player, fraternity man, Christian, husband, father, Army Officer, graduate student, pastor, mystic, grandfather, salesperson, Auburn football fan. These “identities” are like multiple layers of clothes that are worn all at once but each depends on a context that requires other people, places and things. It seems I can not be "me" without a context but that is a public me. That is a "me" that is in a role and which is compared to others in the same context. Sometimes I am a pedestrian and that identity is quickly gone as soon as I jump in the car or sit in a chair. I feel like a “lap” that vanishes as soon as I stand up! We might aquire too many identities and feel like someone with far to many clothes on for the day. Things might get burdensome with too much identity clothing on and make us feel odd and out of place when with our friends or while alone as well.


There are memories of learning to ride a bike and thinking, “Hey this is cool; I am a bike rider. But in time that identity was no longer as significant but it will always be a fun one. Perhaps you are like me and have many images of who you have been and even are today. Most of these “identities” do not remain central although many may remain with us our entire lives and be like old shoes we wear with comfort. Other identities like “the worst tennis player in the school” or “fat” are not happy ones but need not be worn too often. Even so there are tennis players who are actually worse than me and even one or two that are fatter. Funny context- this big world so even I may not be the fattest tennis player in a larger context.

All this signals that even though many of our identities are not chosen by us at some point we may choose which ones we wish to put on as we walk out for the day. If someone clothes themselves in lots of “bad and unhappy identities” their emotions will probably fall right in line with that role. Their pursuit of happiness and meaning in life will be dead in the water because the one pursuing it has put on a sad shirt at the start of the day. If we need to change our identity perhaps one clue might be to change our context. That might not need not be a geographical move but it would be a move as most changes of any kind are moves for the better or worse. Here are some contexts that are all about us most of the time Family, School, Community, State, Nation, Earth, Cosmos, Time and Eternity.




Some shoes are too tight for our lives and others may still feel a bit large for us at any given moment. Perhaps large happy “identities” need large happy contexts. Could it be that seeing a larger and deeper context for our lives might help us have an identity that brings deeper meaning and more joy? This is not a total solution because in a large crowd some people just feel like a number and seeing yourself as a small speck on the earth which is all but infinitesimal in the universe might not make some people feel very significant. Others might see the same point of view as a huge context that allows for all kinds of freedom in which to choose new identities. We may not be able to do much about where we start but perhaps we can do something to embrace a more fulfilling identity if we look beyond what is our immediate context at the moment. Do we need to look beyond the context others are trying to get us to accept as our only choice? A context usually has a context and what looked bad can turn into beauty with a fresh insight. The other question might be,” What would my identity be if there was no context at all?" Is there a “me” when all the shirts come off at the end of the day? Have I joined others in clothing myself with a bit too many identities which now have me a bit burdened? Would it be smarter to travel a little lighter and ask what I really need to be right now? Such a “me” has been there all along and is the one “I” who has lived throughout this entire wonderful adventure. How great it is that I and I-dentity are not the same! Sometimes something really neat does not need to be big at all! What is next!